I always torment my life by asking, "What If?"
What if I had stayed home and finished college and had a career close to home so I could have spent more time with my parents and helped them out. But then I would have not traveled and met the wonderful people I met nor spent the time I did with my brother and his family in Connecticut.
What if I had not married the man I married, would my life had been easier and happier? But then I would not have had the 3 beautiful children I had.
What if I had chosen to stay in Coronado and let my children stay in one school district? Would they have had a better chance at a great education and completed college at a younger age? But then they would have not seen the places they saw or experienced the things they did, but maybe Rex would have not chosen the life he did and maybe he would be here today. But if their lives had been different, I may not have had the wonderful family I have today, especially my grandchildren.
What if I had gone in to wake up my son on New Year's Day to wish him a happy year and maybe I would have seen he was sicker and maybe I would have stayed to care for him or insist he go into the hospital. Maybe he would be alive.
And this is where What if stops. There are no "What If's" in the past tense. There is only "What Was", "What Is", and "What is To Come".
It is time for me to throw this habit out the window. If Only I could!
